The calm before the storm..

I seat in front of a computer in a half empty room, the QA manager just seating across from me. Sipping on ice tea and trying to write something cool. But my sleep starved brain doesn't work the same way it did when I was still doing the normal shift (a morning job). Why do I keep on doing this? Besides the money which isn't really that big anyway if you consider all the possible diseases you'll get from working an 11-8 job which includes high blood pressure etc, the means just doesn't justify the end, my salary won't even pay for a weeks stay in a hospital if it comes to that. I guess its just for the love of it, the thrill that I get when I work with people, overcoming differences and aiming for a common goal..hmm, sounds like church to me, but without the complexities and irritants of working with people of the same faith.

Just like a child who has outgrown his old clothes, I still try to fit but I constantantly find myself yawning at everything. All those multimedia extravaganza highlighted by powerpoint presentations to the honest yet hohumm bible study group I was attending. I tried to look the other way, I try to be as christian-like, singing those songs for the umpteenth time, trying to feed in all the teachings of the pastor,..but for all I know I sometimes still come home feeling emptier. No, I'm not trying to lambast the church, no I'm not tryng to be self-righteous, I guess I've just outgrown the church. Nowadays, God's presence would visit me not inside a church building nor within a church small group, nowadays I often meet God face to face when I'm talking to a stranger, a colleague, reading a good book or just looking at the skies. I find myself more ministered to when I'm alone and it's just me and him talking..its just me and him without all the facade. I still enjoy attending church and being with God's people, I still enjoy their fellowship, but when I feel lost and I need to see the big picture, I'd rather go out and see the world, see it's peoples.. for there I often see... feel His heartbeat.