Monday, October 06, 2008

It's hard to understand life's twisted roads and passages, it is disconcerting at times and for many of us life has treated us more cruel than kind. It's winding roads are littered with tears, heartaches and broken dreams and promises. Abandoned hearts longing for the love that was lost, longing and in want of the places and faces from their past. The coldness lingers inside each broken soul, its icy sting callouses the warmest of hearts..hardened and dead.

But tenderness does return, for every tear...comes a hand to wipe it. For every sorrow, joy begins. For every shattered heart...there is healing. For every sigh...comes a new hope. Life begins and the breath of a new beginning starts. For every closed door another one is open, for every goodbye there is a hello. Unrequited love is returned. I have learned that goodness always triumphs over evil, that weakened knees are made strong once more. We only need to return to the source of goodness and true love...love that never says goodbye, is always accepting, unchanging, ever faithful. A love strong enough to face death and triumphs over it. I wonder how many people have had their hearts broken...how many more do they have to go through before they surrender to grace. For me I await with fervent expectation what His grace will do next for me. He is unbelievably gentle and kind to touch and restore so that a pauper like me can learn to dance again.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Amplified Bible)

4Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

5It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

6It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

7Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

Friday, October 03, 2008

Perfect Strangers

Was it merely an attraction? A newfound interest along the way? A love that came in too easy and went away just as fast.. we were needy for love and comfort so we found each other along this life's way. Two souls lost amongst the faces and the crowd. We were looking for something we did not know and in that search for the unknown we found each other. We thought we were moving in the same direction..but all it was a temporary reprieve from all that was lost in the past. We held hands, our eyes transfixed and we both found comfort for awhile, a secluded refuge in the midst of our personal storms..yet human hearts have a way of being restless..of wanting to be free, easily bored by the normal so we crave for the excitement of the unknown. So here we are again..perfect strangers, blindly finding our way through faces and the crowds again. Why do strangers become lovers and lovers become strangers? When does love begin and how does it end? Why do hearts that started to heal are ripped open once again? Maybe because the other loves too much and another loves too little..

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Ghosts of Rwanda: a documentary; an introspect

I have watched various documentaries in the past, since I was young I was already interested the socio-political dynamics around the globe..its a very complicated world out there, were religion, politics and personal interests intermixed with humanity. I did a lot of travelling in the past as well, many countries, people, places, events..these have worked their way into my very core..my soul. Human beings are such an interesting species..capable of so much love, creativity and intelligence than all the other species in this earth, but also so capable of so much hatred, to such extent that we would try to wipe out each other. I sometimes wonder if we really did come from apes, I guess if we did, the evolutionists might have a point, because our actions don't amount too much as human beings..I guess we really are more like apes, barbaric and inhuman..or is it because we are spiralling down to this because we have thrown God out of the window and out of our system..I do wonder sometimes..

Please watch if you have the time. 

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/ghosts/

or type in "ghosts of rwanda" in youtube.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The crisp sound of paper being browsed, the smell of both old and new. The eyes of my mind are opened, spiritually whisked away to the unknown, I grab on to her wings, she turns her head and winks as the goddess of fables and dreams rescues me from the mundane. I looked at her and I burst out laughing; "yes! yes! take me away from the ordinariness of everything, restore my vision and release me from the conventionality of my life. Pictures...paintings, limitless colors. I heard the sounds of another world, not of my own, unfamiliar yet I embraced them as if they were a long lost brother. Higher, higher...in ecstacy I relished everything, for I know that of which is now of the present will become lost in memory. Suddenly she releases me, she who has been given the power over present and future, I started to fall, "No not yet!" I shouted, but I continued my seemingly endless fall. I wasn't afraid of death.

...I opened my eyes and I was still in bed, I smiled...tomorrow night..I will fly again.

get me out of here!

i have lived in a world manufactured by the delusional, a masterpiece of their imaginations. Although they suffer everyday, they are irrational and unopened to rational thinking, they have closed their minds to new things. Every tick and tock of the clock, every coming and going of each day they seemingly convince themselves that everything is okay and their lives are normal.They are bent to achieve a goal that is to the sane mind a wonderful pie in the sky life, where money comes down from heaven and food is delivered to your doorstep by some unknown entity. They suffer silently, pious looking yet hypocrites to the core. They have left every bit of logic and trash rationality out the door. Please do not judge me if I seemed unfair in my accusations, forgive if I doubt, but I would rather be in this crossroads of faith and doubt than to dwell in a world customed fit only for those who no longer enjoy living in this life. I sometimes wonder, is this all there is to it? I beg you not to categorize me, or fit me in some psychological bubble. Take off those rose colored glasses and see the world as I see it, at least please do try..

Sunday, September 14, 2008

on to some geeky stuff/ espresso passion

Let me start by saying that coffee drinking is supposed to be a sensory experience, it starts with the music that starts with the sound of the espresso machine, the hissing melody as the wand touches the milk, the tamping of the portafilter, highly trained baristas who are coffee lovers themselves, the aroma of the coffee and finally the first sip as liquid gold touches your tongue…it is passion, it is art. So many stores have this huge sign hanging from every corner of their store shouting, best tasting coffee in the world or best espresso in the universe! and then you order one, and you get this stale tasting black thing in a styrofoam cup with no crema! What is this thing? Did i just pay 150 pesos for this?? But of course there are those experience wherein you order from a unknown coffee shop like perhaps a Bo’s coffee or some startup coffee nook, then your eyes pop and you get what Mark Prince describes as "the epiphany moment" and when you have that, its like you have this singular moment in time wherein you say to yourself, this is it..this is what I have imagine how it would be…this is espresso, this is the pinnacle, the apogee of what coffee should be. Remember the four M’s of an Italian espresso?; the heart and soul of real espresso is broken down to 4 important parts; Machine ( espresso machine), Macinzaione (grinder), Miscela (coffee) and Mano (the person making the shot). Without these four important components, there is no espresso, there is no coffee, all you have in your hands is a cup of high-priced sludge with a brandname on it. That is why I have this utter disdain over push-button machines which requires no skill, no interaction between person and machine.

Anyways! on to the geek stuff:

I have been thinking about getting a new espresso machine since my old one for some reason or another stopped working, well I could still hear the pump working but well no water is coming out of my portafilter, I think its clogged or something but anyway I’ve kept dreaming about that new Rancilio Silvia, it cost around 500 bucks in the States and in some storeds I heard its getting a bit higher. Its the best amongst the consumer level machines our there and very much touted amongst baristas and at the coffeegeek website. Now that Starbucks is very much out of my rulebook, its hightime to start looking for another coffee shop that sells real coffee or if you have enought moolah to spare, just get yourself your own espresso machine, get some barista training whether from some training centre or online and with a lot of practice, believe me you’re gotte be better than some of of the baristas at starbucks. Start with some basic coffee training, which includes coffee tasting if you’re really into being a real coffee connoisseur. I guess this is really all about counter culture, for some of us its not just about hanging out and just being seen on some wickedly fashionable cafe but really we are about how the coffee taste, we use words like clarity, complexity, balance or sweetness, we care about the body and the acidity of the coffee, and yes we know whether the coffee taste too damned burned and too roasted. Now going back to the Rancilio, its just beyond my reach as of this time but well who knows I’m just too geeky to pass off a good deal if I find a nicely priced Silvia, the thought of a nice shiny chromed espresso machine at home and the taste of real espresso is just the stuff wetdreams are made of. By the way, if you’re looking for a place to get a nice cup’o joe, try Bo’s Coffee, they’re not too crowded if you’re looking for a place to converse or just plunge into a good book, their coffee is a mixture of locally grown robustas and imported arabicas, their frapps are also quite good if you’re into that stuff. And yeah, I believe they still use old fashion espresso machines, that means they still manually check temperatures and do the tamping by hand which requires the skill of a correctly trained barista. That’s it for our coffee/geek talk for today. By the way, congrats to the Philippine wooshoo team for baggin’ the gold, I know I know it’s supposed to be an exhibition sport only, but its far better than getting no medals at all, cuz that really sulks you know. Oh well, umaasa pa kasi tayo. haha

The Rancilio Silvia

(Whether you’re a barista, espresso/coffee connoisseur, this machine is definitely a must have.)

"Well, the current Rancilio Silvia models not only have that very same
minimalistic yet strong looking badge on the front panel above the
steam knob, but also on the back of the machine! Very cool stuff. If
you have an open kitchen concept, you get to proudly Silviastraight
show your brand
loyalty to the folks sitting in your dining room or living room. And
I’m not being facetious here - the Silvia has always been perceived as
a machine of substance, and subtle, no-nonsense yet professional
branding is always a good thing.

"The grouphead is the beefy, separated design (ie, the boiler and
grouphead are two parts, instead of a single unit, like on the Gaggia
machines) that is all marine grade brass. It should do a very good job
retaining temperature once the machine is fully heated up. It features
a removable dispersion screen and block (basically a heavy brass disk
designed in part to retain heat), and the standard ring type group
gasket, which the user can replace every few years.

The Rancilio
Silvia is a "3 way solenoid valve" machine, meaning that a valve
immediately opens up after you finish brewing, relieving pressure from
the portafilter".

article taken from www.coffeegeek.com (review of the Rancilio Silvia)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Thursday, July 17, 2008 Theology’s Challenge: Incest and Apes

http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/JWhite/11579319/


I have long told my students that the doctrine of humanity is, by far, the most pressing doctrine of our day, for it is the area of Christian thought that is most challenged by the world in which we live, and the nature of those challenges tend to leave most Christians bereft of any sense of knowing how to respond.

For one, there is no rich historical vein of theological reflection to pull from, at least in terms of our current cultural conversation; find me a reflection from Origen or Athanasius, Luther or Melanchthon, Barth or Brunner, that speaks to stem-cell research, human cloning, or homosexual rights. Yes, there is much on what constitutes humanity, the nature of humanity in relation to God, and the boundaries of sexual ethics - but the issues of our day are asking questions that leave previous theological discourse sorely lacking. As the first five centuries hammered out Christology, and later generations tackled everything from the Holy Sprit to revelation, ours may be the day that is forced to examine the doctrine of humanity in ways that serve the church for years to come.

And the challenge is real.

Consider the London Times report titled “I used to have sex with my brother but I don’t feel guilty about it” which offered a detailed narrative of a woman’s sexual relationship with her biological brother from the time of 14 to nearly 30, until he met another person and married. Their sexual trysts were revealed as part of a tale of sibling intimacy and friendship that ended with the ubiquitous reasoning that they were not hurting anyone, so why make it so wrong? Much was made that her brother, only a year older, never pushed himself on her and that she was a willing participant. The author’s lament is that something “so lovely and natural to me would be regarded as abhorrent.”

At the time of this writing, it continues to be the most read story on the newspapers website, with the vast majority of the posted feedback I read supportive in nature.

And then there was news of a Spanish parliamentary committee which adopted resolutions that would give great apes, such as chimpanzees and gorillas, the right to life, freedom from arbitrary captivity and protection from torture.

In other words, the same legal rights as humans.

The reasoning is based almost entirely on what it means to be human, which, according to the naturalistic philosophy in place in our world, is entirely genetic. “Chimps…share 98.5% of human DNA, making them as genetically close to humans as horses are to zebras,” notes USA Today. So why not treat man’s closest genetic relative with the legal and cultural rights they so genetically deserve? What else, to the naturalistic mind, would there be to consider?

A court case from Austria is going further, wanting to actually declare a chimp a person so the animal could have a legal guardian and funds for upkeep. Sound absurd? The European Court of Human Rights is now considering an appeal on behalf of a 28-year-old chimp named Matthew Hiasl Pan. “If Matthew should win,” noted USA Today International, “the case would set a legal precedent across Europe to treat apes with some of the same rights as people.”

“I’d call is a slippery slope-plus,” says Richard Cupp, associate dean for research at California’s Pepperdine University School of Law.

Such stories represent the two great contests facing the Christian doctrine of humanity: the boundaries of accepted sexual expression, and the boundaries of accepted human identity. Granted, we may have been on watch in relation to such matters as euthanasia or infanticide, but the challenge has far more fronts to monitor.

Such as incest and apes.

Sources

“I used to have sex with my brother but I don’t feel guilty about it,” as told to Joan McFadden, times2, The London Times, Tuesday, July 15, 2008, pp. 10-11; the story can be read at www.timesonline.co.uk at http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article4332635.ece/

“Activists pursue basic legal rights for great apes,” Jeffrey Stinson, USA TODAY International. Wednesday, July 16, 2008, p. 2A. Read online at http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2008-07-15-chimp_N.htm.
****************************************************************************************************************************************

About Dr. James Emery White

James Emery White is the founding and senior pastor of Mecklenburg Community Church in Charlotte, North Carolina; President of Serious Times, a ministry which explores the intersection of faith and culture (www.serioustimes.org); and professor of theology and culture on the Charlotte campus of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. Dr. White holds the B.S., M.Div. and Ph.D. degrees, along with additional work at Vanderbilt University and Oxford University. He is the author of over a dozen books.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Thats my dsl connection using bayantel's/skydsl speed on demand. Now that's really fast. For those of who's planning to get a DSL/Broadband connection, go for Bayantel. Price/Speed of service and connection tops all the other providers. The ZTE adsl modem works great on my end also.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Download Day - English

Thursday, May 22, 2008

PSP Commercials

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Jumping on the PSP bandwagon

It started out with colleagues bringing this strange cool device to work. It plays videos, you can surf the internet via wifi, and yeah it can play really awesome games in it too. So I started borrowing, I started playing, I started watching, fingers twitching, eyes glued to the uber cool screen, I couldn't put it down, I was hooked, addicted to this device. I thought about it, slept over it, visited websites, read reviews...finally after all that thinking, my girlfriend and I visited the mecca of electronics they called Greenhills, we shopped around, bartered, yes..bartered, she's good with that, and then finally there it was, sealed, new and shiny...my very own PSP. Well, I just have to wait until school starts again, my gf took it home with her...(sigh)Just a few more weeks and I'll be playing games on the go, imagine a world of endless possibilities, GTA riding the MRT, Tekken at Starbucks..haha. I can't wait.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

For some reason I got out of bed hotheaded, hmmm, probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Still mad for no reason...breath deep, breath in...breath out.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

man minus God equals?

I regularly check the news online when I'm at work to get updates about news and events around the globe. Recently, I read about two articles that somewhat gave me a glimpse of what happens when you take God out of the school system, what happens when you take prayer out of school, replace creation with evolution. Now imagine if you can, third grades plotting to hurt their teacher, taking with them a knife, handcuffs and tape just because the teacher asked one of the students who was misbehaving to go the the "timeout table"...third graders. In Australia, teenagers attacking teachers and fellow students with baseball bats and machetes, sounds familiar? Remember Columbine? America, a nation I greatly admired, their constitution provided a framework, the foundation for governance. In God We Trust, A Nation under God, phrases, words we have read time and time again, written by their nations founders and forefathers. That foundation, the values and the belief that founded their great nation is slowly being taken out by Godless men in the name of political correctness. I am surprised that they are surprised whenever incidents like these happen. They shouldn't be. When you start teaching young children that they simply evolved from one celled animals to more "advance" forms like chimps, you can be sure they'll start "aping around" or basically act like animals. Why? Why woudn't they? There is no moral reason to act like humans, there is no good, who can tell me it's wrong to hurt or kill another person, I can do whatever I want. A world without God equals chaos and believe me we are already seeing the results of this equation. I take pride in the fact that I live in the only "Christian" nation in SouthEast Asia, I take pride in the knowledge that the top institutions of learning in the country have been started by Catholic priest who believed that God and academics go together if we are to properly train the next leaders of this nation. I just hope and pray that I don't wake up one day to find prayer banned from universities and evolution has replaced creationism as the de facto teaching. God help us all.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

"Say"

I love the lyrics to this song, the meaning behind the words, don't wait until it's too late, open up yourself, trust again, love once again...take the risk...say it, say those words...before it's too late.
So poetic, so John Mayer. I'm so glad I made that phone call many months ago (smile)


"Say"

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put ‘em in quotations

Say what you need to say (x8)

Walking like a one-man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say (x8)

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never say what you need to say

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say (repeat to fade)

Friday, March 21, 2008

GM just came in, VP will be holding a meeting on Monday, we'll be coming in a few ours earlier then go home after the meeting. Thats just a few hours of work with full pay. (BIG GRIN). God is good.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I passed by unknown streets, the night both warm and cold. I stared at the world outside my cab's window.
They all look the same to me, nothing different and nothing new. I sighed and stared all the more.
A day without you is like living with eternal snow. Just a few hours have passed and I am already missing you.
The warmth of your love, the softness of your touch. I embrace each picture, I caress my thoughts of you. I placed a picture of you in my mind so I can always see your face wherever I go. I miss you.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Mad Monday

Start of the work week for me. Paquiao won yesterday, Military and even the MILF agreed on a ceasefire just to watch the bout. Everytime Manny does his thing inside the ring everything seems to stop, and for once the country is united. We are hungry, desperate... I may not be a politician, or a political analyst for that matter but let me give you my two cents on this issue. We are a dying race, diaspora is happening and the best of us are leaving this country for better opportunities in other countries. Government says economy is doing well, all I see is high inflation rate, high price of gasoline which basically translates to high prices of everything. You know what else I see? I see doctors studying to be nurses, the majority of students are taking up nursing with one thing in mind..going abroad. Now let me see if I can get this straight, good economy = our educated young people going abroad? hmmm.. something just doesn't connect if you get my drift. Going back to Paqiuao, man, as I've said we are hungry for change, I think we are looking for a catalyst to point the way, to give us our pride back. We need more Lozadas, more people who ain't afraid to speak the truth. I don't want another Edsa, I don't freaking care about what the opposition say's, all I want is change, for better opportunities for everyone, for the common man and without going to another country to find it. I do hope I see it in my lifetime.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

I'm basically trying to eat healthy this past few months, currently munching on two pieces of raisin bread and chugging on a bottle of sola apple green tea while auditing...to sustain my sugar level, need energy while working. My voice still sounds funny, hoarse and husky since Wednesday. Anyways, summer's here already and none too soon. I know my GF can't wait to start her vacation, it had been one heck of a busy month for her and she deserves it to have a vacation, I do wish we could do some traveling together before she heads home for the summer. Have some things planned out this summer, including a possibility of taking some lessons on digital photography or some summer classes on classic literature..that would be awesome. Ooopps, lunch time. gotta go.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Still me, silence my shouts and cries.
Bring me to a place of quietness.
Restore my soul, lead me to a path of peace
be my refuge in the midst of my personal storm.
Still me, lead me to a place of rest.
Let me listen to everything that's gentle, everything thats real
Quiet my soul.

Friday, March 07, 2008

some minor annoyances

Thank God its Friday already, I'm one of those types who live for the weekends, counting the days till Friday and dreading those Monday blues. After days of listening in to all these calls, my head is ready to explode anytime. I need a breath of fresh air, some good old conversation, a good cup of coffee...need to get back to sanity. Thank God for the weekends.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Gasping for air...

Do you ever get that feeling that you're supposed to be doing something other than what you're doing right now? I do. I've been feeling like a fish out of the water lately, out of place. I have been working in this industry for almost..4 years now. It was just a rush being able to work in an entirely new enviroment from what I'm used to, that is with church, ministry and all that stuff. I remembered going through interviews during some pretty weird hours in the morning, nothings more weirder than getting a call on your cellphone with someone telling you to come up to this floor of that building at 4:am in the morning, 4:00...wow, took a cab from my apartment to makati...it was surreal. everything looked different. I'm used to normal things you know, daylight, sunlight..you get my point. It was like going through another world were people suddenly wear jackets, people live on convenience store food, weird colored drinks.... I thought man this place is weird.! I hated all the people faking and having these weird accent, what the!? Now, several years later, I'm actually one of them. Working as a QA has a lot of perks, you're somewhat like one of the bosses, you can decide who stays, who doesn't..power and yeah, a normal mon to fri sched that doesn't change, the pay is good, better than those white collared folks who decided to work through the "normal" working hours. But now, things are different, I'm getting tired of all this, I'm tired of conversations that doesn't really make sense, where people live from one paycheck to the next, where all you talk about during your spare time is money, more money, credit cards, the latest phones, girls, partys..and yes..more partys. Tiring. I don't want to be a hypocrite, I've been there done all that. But you know what, I think I wasn't really made for this, I think there's something better out there waiting for me. I remember a lot of things you know, a lot of things that I really miss; missions, travelling, talking with real people who care about a lot of things other all the material stuff, I long for sense, for depth and yeah for something real. Maybe its time to turn the key and go back to the normal life, to what I was really created for.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

What am I to do? How do I begin? I am bursting inside. Truth has changed me...and I can't help but tell the world around me...how love has changed me.

Point Of Difference

ASCM video. Miss my seminary days

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Arguing the Upside of Being Down

Arguing the Upside of Being Down


Eric G. Wilson, author of 'Against Happiness,' argues for the necessity of sadness
author of Against Happiness, argues for the vital need for sadness in the world. Wake Forest University

Read an excerpt from the book.



All Things Considered, February 11, 2008 · Author Eric G. Wilson has come to realize he was born to the blues, and he has made peace with his melancholy state.

But it took some time, as he writes in his new book, a polemic titled Against Happiness: In Praise of Melancholy.

At the behest of well-meaning friends, I have purchased books on how to be happy. I have tried to turn my chronic scowl into a bright smile. I have attempted to become more active, to get away from my dark house and away from my somber books and participate in the world of meaningful action. … I have contemplated getting a dog. I have started eating salads. I have tried to discipline myself in nodding knowingly. … I have undertaken yoga. I have stopped yoga and gone into tai chi. I have thought of going to psychiatrists and getting some drugs. I have quit all of this and then started again and then once more quit. Now I plan to stay quit. The road to hell is paved with happy plans.

Wilson has embraced his inner gloom, and he wishes more people would do the same.

The English professor at Wake Forest University wants to be clear that he is not "romanticizing" clinical depression and that he believes it is a serious condition that should be treated.

But he worries that today's cornucopia of antidepressants — used to treat even what he calls "mild to moderate sadness" — might make "sweet sorrow" a thing of the past.

"And if that happens, I wonder, what will the future hold? Will our culture become less vital? Will it become less creative?" he asks.

Wilson talks to Melissa Block about why the world needs melancholy — how it pushes people to think about their relation to the world in new ways and ultimately to relate to the world in a richer, deeper way.

He also explores the link between sadness, artistic creation and depression — which has led to suicide in many well-known cases: Virginia Woolf, Vincent Van Gogh, Hart Crane and Ernest Hemingway, for instance.

Wilson says perhaps this is "just part of the tragic nature of existence, that sometimes there's a great price to be paid for great works or beauty, for truth."

"We can look at the lives of Dylan Thomas, Virginia Woolf, Hart Crane and others and lament the fact that they suffered so. Yet at the same time, we're buoyed, we're overjoyed by the works they left behind," Wilson says.

The husband and father of a young daughter also acknowledges that melancholy is "difficult terrain to negotiate in domestic situations." He says there are certainly times when his family hoped he would be "happier," and yet they would not want him to pretend to feel something he doesn't.

Wilson says that by taking his melancholy seriously, his family ultimately will get to know him more deeply and develop a more intimate relationship with him.

"To get to know your partner, your spouse, your friend fully, you really have to find a way to embrace the dark as well as the light. Only then can you know that person," he says.
Excerpt: 'Against Happiness'

by Eric G. Wilson

Cover of 'Against Happiness'



Conclusion

The gene pool — before and beyond time — froths and sloshes. What flops up onto the temporal shores is a matter of chance, a product of the waves' whims. At some point this teeming reservoir of DNA spumes forth a saturnine gene, a double helix destined to produce melancholy dispositions. From this instant onward what we know as human history begins: that striving, seemingly endless, toward an ungraspable perfection, that tragic effort to reach what exceeds the grasp, to fail magnificently. This gene, this melancholy gene, has proved the code for innovation. It has produced over the centuries our resplendent towers, yearning heavenward. It has created our great epics, god-hungry. It has concocted our memorable symphonies, as tumultuously beautiful as the first ocean. Without this sorrowful genome, these sublimities would have remained in the netherworld of nonexistence. Indeed, without this genetic information, sullen and ambitious, what we see as culture in general, that empyreal realm of straining ideas, might have never arisen from the mere quest for survival, from simple killing and eating.

We can picture this in the primitive world. While the healthy bodies of the tribe were out mindlessly hacking beasts or other humans, the melancholy soul remained behind brooding in a cave or under a tree. There he imagined new structures, oval and amber, or fresh verbal rhythms, sacred summonings, or songs superior to even those of the birds. Envisioning these things, and more, this melancholy malingerer became just as useful for his culture as did the hunters and the gatherers for theirs. He pushed his world ahead. He moved it forward. He dwelled always in the insecure realm of the avant-garde.

This primitive visionary was the first of many such avant-garde melancholics. Of course not all innovators are melancholy, and not all melancholy souls are innovative. However, the scientifically proved relationship between genius and depression, between gloom and greatness suggests that the majority of our cultural innovators, ranging from the ancient dreamer in the bush to the more recent Dadaist in the city, have grounded their originality in the melancholy mood. We can of course by now understand why.

Melancholia pushes against the easy "either/or" of the status quo. It thrives in unexplored middle ground between oppositions, in the "both/and." It fosters fresh insights into relationships between oppositions, especially that great polarity life and death. It encourages new ways of conceiving and naming the mysterious connections between antinomies. It returns us to innocence, to irony, that ability, temporary, to play in potential without being constrained to the actual. Such respites from causality refresh our relationship to the world, grant us beautiful vistas, energize our hearts and our minds.

Indeed, the world is much of the time boring, controlled as it is by staid habits. It seems overly familiar, tired, repetitious. Then along comes what Keats calls the melancholy fit, and suddenly the planet again turns interesting. The veil of familiarity falls away. There before us flare bracing possibilities. We are called to forge untested links to our environments. We are summoned to be creative.

Given these virtues of melancholia, why are thousands of psychiatrists and psychologists attempting to "cure" depression as if it were a terrible disease? Obviously, those suffering severe depression, suicidal and bordering on psychosis, require serious medications. But what of those millions of people who possess mild to moderate depression? Should these potential visionaries also be asked to eradicate their melancholia with the help of a pill? Should these possible innovators relinquish what might well be their greatest muse, their demons giving birth to angels?

Right now, if the statistics are correct, about 15 percent of Americans are not happy. Soon, perhaps, with the help of psychopharmaceuticals, we shall have no more unhappy people in our country. Melancholics will become unknown.

This would be an unparalleled tragedy, equivalent in scope to the annihilation of the sperm whale or the golden eagle. With no more melancholics, we would live in a world in which everyone simply accepted the status quo, in which everyone would simply be content with the given. This would constitute a dystopia of ubiquitous placid grins, a nightmare worthy of Philip K. Dick, a police state of Pollyannas, a flatland that offers nothing new under the sun. Why are we pushing toward such a hellish condition?

The answer is simple: fear. Most hide behind the smile because they are afraid of facing the world's complexity, its vagueness, its terrible beauties. If they stay safely ensconced behind their painted grins, then they won't have to encounter the insecurities attendant upon dwelling in possibility, those anxious moments when one doesn't know this from that, when one could suddenly become almost anything at all. Even though this anxiety, usually over death, is in the end exhilarating, a call to be creative, it is in the beginning rather horrifying, a feeling of hovering in an unpredictable abyss. Most immediately flee from this situation. They try to lose themselves in the laughing masses, hoping the anxiety will never again visit them. They don inauthenticity as a mask, a disguise protecting them from the abyss.

To foster a society of total happiness is to concoct a culture of fear. Do we really want to give away our courage for mere mirth? Are we ready to relinquish our most essential hearts for a good night's sleep, a season of contentment? We must ignore the seductions of our blissed-out culture and somehow hold to our sadness. We must find a way, difficult though it is, to be who we are, sullenness and all.

Suffering the gloom, inevitable as breath, we must further accept this fact that the world hates: we are forever incomplete, but fragments of some ungraspable whole. Our unfinished natures — we are never pure actualities but always vague potentials — make life a constant struggle, a bout with the persistent unknown. But this extension into the abyss is also our salvation. To be but a fragment is always to strive for something beyond oneself, something transcendent — an unexplored possibility, an unmapped avenue. This striving is always an act of freedom, of choosing one road instead of another. Though this labor is arduous — it requires constant attention to our mysterious and shifting interiors — it is also ecstatic, an almost infinite sounding of the exquisite riddles of Being.

To be against happiness, to avert contentment, is to be close to joy, to embrace ecstasy. Incompleteness is the call to life. Fragmentation is freedom. The exhilaration of never knowing anything fully is that you can perpetually imagine sublimities beyond reason. On the margins of the known is the agile edge of existence. This is the elation of circumference. This is the rapture, burning slow, of finishing a book that can never be completed, a flawed and conflicted text, vexed as twilight.

Excerpted from Against Happiness by Eric G. Wilson. Copyright © 2008 by Eric G. Wilson. Published in January 2008 by Sarah Crichton Books, a division of Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC. All rights reserved.

ABout the new look

BTW, yeah new colors huh? Just some kind of test period, I'm gonna change it to something more earth toned this week. It looks to cheerful..not my personality. Can't wait to go home and get some shuteye..say hello to the sandman.

Valentines? Whats that?

I'm seeing blood all around, I mean red. All these cutesy wutesey cupid cutouts, flower vendors cashing in on their ultra priced flowers 3k for a dozen roses? the heck! what gives man!? and yeah all the lubsy dubsey couples all around..sheesh. Me? I'm at work and yeah looking forward to getting some sleep when I get home. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood when I wake up.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

6:13 almost time for me to head for home. Just finishing up my reports. Listening to Ne-Yo's "When You're Mad", listen to it when you have time. I miss you already...you know who you are (wink)

Monday scribble

With all the audits done for January, I decided to start writing away on this blog. This past week has been amazing..that is an understatement believe me. I wish I could just explain in detail everything that has happened, its mindblowing and believe me I am still reeling from all of it. I'm not exaggerating. So here I am, typing away at work with this huge smile...I'm not sure if you're getting all this.. Thank God for new beginnings. Thank God for a fresh start.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Ah, the 90's, the good ol' days. The lyrics to one of my favorite poster songs of my younger years, from one of my favorite bands of all time. yeah..those were the days. (lol) I still think Glen Phillips' voice still rocks!
Check out their homepage, yup, bring on the mem'ries.. http://www.toadthewetsprocket.com/

Walk On The Ocean
(Toad the Wet Sprocket)

We spotted the ocean at the head of the trail
Where are we going, so far away
And somebody told me that this is the place
Where everythings better, everythings safe
Walk on the ocean
Step on the stones
Flesh becomes water
Wood becomes bone
And half and hour later we packed up our things
We said wed send letters and all those little things
And they knew we were lying but they smiled just the same
It seemed theyd already forgotten wed came

Now were back at the homestead
Where the air makes you choke
And people dont know you
And trust is a joke
We dont even have pictures
Just memories to hold
That grow sweeter each season
As we slowly grow old

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Ghost, goblins and the supernatural...this was the center of conversation during our "15 minute yosi breaks" here at the office. Everybody does believe in this sort of of stuff one way or the other, its quite amusing really, to see grownup still talk about "tiktiks", "aswangs" "blacklady" hahaha, I really can't stop myself from laughing while writing this, but oh well, it makes more interesting talks.

Rewind: Past few days has been aweful, not sleeping well. I'm not sure if it's just my insomnia kicking in again. My mind just goes on overdrive during the wee hours of the morning, it seems to have a mind of itself (tongue in cheeck) I just have to relax and stop thinking about certain things, my overly negative, pessimistic side rears its ugly head all over again. Maybe a trip to some far flung country away from all this mumbo jumbo, complicated world that I live in might do the trick...I wonder if a trip to tibet might do the trick. Kidding. Not kidding. No, really I'm kidding.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

I refuse to be ordinary, to dive in to this mundane lifeless ordinary. Waking up each day, I rage, I go against this dispassionate enclave, people passing me by with sleepless eyes, zombies living their day to day life but without really living, dreamless...There is more to this life than what they say, there is more to my life than what my generation is claiming to believe. There is more to this life than living from one paycheck to the next, there is more to this life than sex, money and parties. I wanna shout out, I wanna rage against this flow, I wanna live each day as if it was my last. I wanna live my life with significance, with purpose, with honor.


"Awakening"

Face down with the LA curbside endings
With the ones and zeros.
Downtown was the perfect place to hide.
The first star that I saw last night was a headlight
Of a man-made sky, but man- made never made our dreams collide,
Collide.

Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain,
We're awakening
Here we are now with our desperate youth and the pain,
We're awakening
Maybe it's called ambition, you've been talking in your sleep
About a dream, we're awakening

Last week found me living for nothing but deadlines,
With my dead beat sky but, this town doesn't look the same tonight
These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere
And in all my life I don't know that I ever felt so alive,
Alive

I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to know that my heart's still beating
It's beating,
I'm bleeding
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
I want to know that my heart's still beating
It's beating... it's beating...
I'm bleeding



Music Video Codes
Myspace Music

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

sixtwelveAM Jan one

First day Jan one, everybody's all chillin', nobody seems to be in the usual work mode here at QA, no work later tonight, everybody's all sleeping and stuff..haha. Just listening to music and watching Youtube. I can't wait to hit the sack when I get home. Currently groovin' to Mario's "How Do I Breath", I sure do miss someone like crazy right now, you know who you are(wink)...sure can't wait to see you soon.

12:37 08

It's officially 2008 ladies and gentlemen! back at my desk, a large box of Yellow Cab behind me, two cans of soda and the company of the rest of the QA guys. We had such a blast back at the floor during the countdown, everybody tooting their horns, hugs everywhere, even our usually serious GM got into all the fun. So whats next? I mean for this year? Well I'm real sure 08 is going to be a blast! exciting things happenin' and yep I am reading for it. Saving up for a big project this year (wink).

I'll write later, my throats kinda sore from all the shouting. Happy New Year everyone.